HOW TO: Live with a Danish partner.

Photographs: Daniel Dengaky

Text: Natália Šepitková

Daniel Dengaky is originally from Brazzaville, the capital of the Republic of the Congo. He moved to Denmark around 16 years ago. At the time, he was transitioning from his professional football career and wanted to build a stable future for himself and his family. He has a bachelor’s degree in sports and education, and he’s worked as a professional goalkeeper in Congo, Benin, Algeria, Malta, Egypt, and coached and taught as a sport teacher and educator in Malta, Egypt and Denmark. Today, he is shifting his career toward logistics and transport management. He is married to a Danish woman.

Q: How did you meet your wife?

A: We met in Malta while I was playing professional football there. She was introduced to me by my sister at the time. And from the beginning, there was a strong connection between us.

Q: Had you lived in Denmark before you met your wife?

A: No, I had never been to Denmark before I met her. She introduced me to the country after our relationship grew more serious.

Q: Was your initial plan to relocate to Denmark?

A: No, not at all. My focus was still on football and travelling between countries. But when we decided to build a family, Denmark became the best option for stability and a future together.

Q: Do you remember your first impression of Danes?

A: Yes, I found them polite, calm, and a bit reserved. In Congo, people are more expressive and talkative. In Denmark, it takes time to get close to people, but when you do, the relationships are strong and last.

Q: What are the main differences between women in your homeland and Danish women? What are Danish women like?

A: The most significant differences lie in cultural expectations and how femininity is expressed. In Congo, women are raised with a strong focus on family, caregiving, and traditional roles. Femininity is often tied to softness, nurturing, and quiet strength.

Danish women grow up with a strong emphasis on independence, equality, and direct communication. They are encouraged to speak their mind, challenge power structures, and expect equal partnerships. Topics like patriarchy and gender roles are openly discussed, which can come across as confrontational if you're used to a more traditional dynamic. But I’m not shocked by it. I’ve lived in so many countries, and my character was shaped long ago, primarily through my football career. I don’t need others to fit a specific mould; as long as we meet each other’s expectations, we’re good to go.

Q: How was it to date a Danish woman?

A: Dating a Danish woman was different, but in a good way. There’s less pressure from outside (like from family), and everything is more direct. At first, I had to adjust to how straightforward she was. But I came to appreciate it because everything was honest and transparent. She is a blessing.

Q: What did you have to get used to after you started living together with your wife?

A: The weather was the hardest to get used to when we moved in together in Denmark. Other than that, everything was smooth.

Q: How did the Danish family receive you? What are your relationships with your Danish relatives?

A: They were kind and respectful from the beginning. Of course, we had to get used to each other, different languages, cultures, and ways of thinking, but over time, we built strong bonds. I have a good relationship with them.

Q: How did your family react to your Danish wife?

A: They were surprised at first but happy for me. They could see that she genuinely cared for me. In time, they welcomed her and now consider her fully part of the family.

Q: What do you appreciate the most about your wife?

A: Her strength and honesty. She’s not afraid to speak her mind, and I always know where I stand with her. She’s incredibly supportive, both as a partner and as a mother to our children. She brings stability and is a credible mum.

Q: What do you most often argue about regarding cultural differences?

A: Sometimes we have different views on parenting styles. She tends to be more protective and hands-on, while I encourage more independence early on. But we always find a middle ground.

Q: What has your wife learned from you, and conversely, what have you learned from her?

A: She’s learned to embrace spontaneity and emotional warmth, to enjoy the moment more. I’ve learned structure, patience, and the importance of clear, direct communication. We’ve both grown by learning to see the world through each other’s eyes.

Q: Are your children more Danish? Do you raise them in the Danish way?

A: They are definitely more Danish in terms of language, schooling, and general lifestyle. But I make sure they also know where I come from. I teach them about Congolese values, respect for elders, and the importance of family and community. So it’s a mix; they’re growing up with the best of both cultures.

Q: What do you think is the most enriching thing about mixed marriages?

A: The richness comes from learning and growing through difference. You constantly have to listen, reflect, and adapt. It keeps the relationship dynamic and teaches you empathy. Plus, the children get to experience two worlds; that’s a gift.

Q: Is having a partner from another culture sometimes challenging?

A: Yes, definitely. There are misunderstandings, assumptions, and moments where you feel like you come from different planets. But the key is communication and respect. If both people are willing to learn, the challenges become opportunities to grow.

Q: What is your recipe for a good relationship?

A: Mutual respect, communication, patience and a sense of humour. You have to be willing to learn from each other and accept that neither person is always right. It’s a team effort.

Q: Do you like life in Denmark?

A: Yes, I do. It’s a safe, well-organised country with strong values around equality and community. At times, I miss the warmth and spontaneity of my culture, but Denmark has become home in many ways.

Q: Would you like to return to your homeland? Does your family consider it as a possible option in the future?

A: I’ll always have a deep connection to Congo, and I’d love to visit more often. But our life is here now, our children are settled, and we’ve built a future in Denmark. So, returning permanently isn’t something we’re planning at the moment, but staying connected to my roots remains vital to us.