Turning nerves into your superpower

Learning Danish can feel intimidating - but content creator Brooke Taylor Fossey shows how vulnerability can become your superpower.

Photographs: Pexels

Text: Brooke Taylor Fossey

You know the feeling. You’ve practised the line a dozen times in your head. Maybe you’re ordering your usual coffee, but the second the barista goes off-script, your mind goes blank. Danish has exited the building. And in that moment, switching to English feels safer, faster, and frankly, less humiliating.

At the very top of every Danish learner’s worst-case-scenario list has got to be making a phone call in Danish – and top that off with having to take down a phone number in Danish on the phone! Pu-ha!

No body language to rely on, no context clues, just the raw pressure to competently respond in real-time. And for most adult language learners, that’s exactly where the fear sets in. I’m convinced that the secret to children’s easy language acquisition doesn’t lie only in their malleable brains, but also in their ability to make mistakes without feeling the embarrassment, shame and anxiety that we often feel as adults.

There’s science behind your nerves

It’s not just about not knowing the words. Somewhere around our teenage years, we start to become a lot more self-aware – and self-conscious. There’s a desire to fit in and be accepted. And as adults, we spend much of our time trying to appear competent – both at work and in personal relationships. But language acquisition is humbling, and it requires vulnerability. (Flashes back to that time at work when I tried to say someone was reliable (pålidelig), but my attempted pronunciation made it sound like they were something much more eye-popping, and definitely unfit for print!)

Our self-awareness and feedback loop play a big part in language acquisition. Sometimes it creates a positive feedback loop that strengthens motivation. And sometimes it kicks off a hyper-aware loop fixated on mistakes and others’ perceptions of us. This loop can increase anxiety, which can actually impair our ability to think clearly, further exacerbating the loop.

"Language is humbling, and it requires vulnerability."

Why Danish feels especially intimidating

Let’s be real: Danish doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. That infamous soft D that lies somewhere between a L, TH, and exasperation personified. But you can push through the fear and anxiety – and these tips will hopefully help to reset your internal feedback loop.

Redefine success. A ‘successful’ interaction isn’t one where no mistakes are made - it’s one where you communicate (and let’s even leave that open-ended – you tried, you are on that journey of a thousand footsteps!)

Find friendly spaces. Language cafes, kind shopkeepers, and other learners are your allies - practice where it’s safe to mess up.

Start small and repetitive. Begin acquiring phrases that you sprinkle around regularly and keep adding to your repertoire. Say ‘tak for i dag’ when you leave work. ‘Tak for sidst’ when you see people again. And ‘sikke et vejr, hva’?’ will always get a smile when bad weather hits. Rehearse scenarios in your head at different places. How would you ask for help if you needed an ingredient at the grocery store? How would you ask for help finding a room in a new building? Repetition builds confidence and muscle memory, and when the situation presents itself – in real life – you’ve already sort of tried it once – just in your head.

Ask for what you want. Get comfortable with phrases that will help you continue the conversation in Danish. A simple ‘Kan vi tage den på dansk?’ or ‘Jeg lærer dansk, kan vi starte på dansk?’ can go a long way. When someone has time and interest in letting you work out Danish in real-time with them, say yes every time!

Shake it off and realise nobody is probably paying attention. Laugh at the mix-ups. Share them. They make great stories – and they humanise the whole process. I promise no one else will remember it for long, and you don’t need to hold on to the mistakes. The mistakes are just the process of getting to own the knowledge.

Vulnerability - your superpower

Vulnerable acts – of which I say speaking Danish out in the wild is every single time – actually help you grow both as a person and together with other people.

Vulnerability builds relationships through authenticity, trust and intimacy. That might sound a little spicy for the interaction you had when you ordered your coffee in Danish, but vulnerability lets people see the real you. People see themselves mirrored in your vulnerable moments. It’s how relationships build over time.

And vulnerability strengthens your own self-confidence as you see yourself beginning to rise to the challenges of things that used to be so triggering. Those victories – those sejre – start accumulating, and your outlook begins to shift. Suddenly, maybe it’s not so scary to speak Danish.

If you need a cheerleader, you can find me sharing about my own language journey over at Instagram @nearlydanishdame.