How to thrive here as an international

In our continuing "How to" series, writer Natália Šepitková talks with psychotherapist Jonathan Marinatos about his move from Australia to Denmark and how he helps internationals feel at home abroad.

Photographs: Tor Birk Trads

Text: Natália Šepitková

“Be authentic, compassionate and honest. Trust yourself,” advises Jonathan Marinatos, who originates from Melbourne, Australia. He came to Denmark in 2019 after falling in love with his now Danish wife, whilst walking the Camino de Santiago in Spain. After several years of living with one foot in Australia and one foot in Denmark, they decided to move permanently to Denmark in 2022 to start a family. He is educated as a counsellor and psychotherapist specialised in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). In 2022, he founded his English-speaking psychotherapy practice ‘Act of living’ in Aarhus. He focuses on the mental health and well-being of internationals and cross-cultural couples.

Q: Why did you decide to help internationals with their transition and well-being?

When I moved permanently to Denmark in the summer, I enjoyed it; however, when the dark winter arrived, I experienced a deeply challenging time transitioning. Within this intensely stressful period, my mental health suffered, bringing up many past and present difficult emotions and thoughts. This was by far the hardest time I’ve had in Denmark. I felt alone and without emotional support, even though I had support from my family. Applying all that I had learnt as a therapist on myself, whilst seeing a therapist and finding my own support people, I began to get better. At that time, I thought about the many other internationals who might feel alone and face similar hardships during their transition in Denmark. That’s when I decided to start my therapy practice, ‘Act of living’, to help other internationals.

Q: What challenges do internationals typically face?

Internationals are faced with many challenges. Some of the most common problems are feeling alone, stress due to family or relationship challenges, work-related and cultural issues, social anxiety, depression, questioning oneself and their identity, unresolved trauma, not feeling good enough, grief and loss, and questioning their belonging.

Q: How can you thrive in Denmark as an international?

There are many ways of thriving, depending on where you are in your journey of living in Denmark. It might look different if you've just moved to Denmark or if you've lived here for a decade. However, the common strategies to thrive as an international are, first of all, to work on integrating and connecting with Danish society through, for example, learning and speaking the Danish language and participating in your community (Fællesskab) by joining clubs/associations. Furthermore, it is essential to express yourself authentically, prioritise your mental and physical health through tools such as mindfulness or grounding, practice kindness toward yourself and others, and seek social-emotional support.

Q: What helps the most with challenges associated with international transition?

What can be extremely helpful through the process of transitioning is to let people in on what you are experiencing. This could involve opening up and sharing what’s really going on inside, both emotionally and mentally, with people you feel safe with. Even if you have just one or two core people who can carry you through this period and relate to what you are experiencing, it can be beneficial. It can make all the difference in this transition, with what might be the most challenging period of your life. Let go of your ego and needing to have it all together. It is okay to ask for help and receive loving support.

"Be authentic, compassionate and honest. Trust yourself."

Q: When we move to a new country, what should we be careful about regarding our mental health?

I am yet to meet an international who hasn’t experienced mental health issues whilst moving countries. When moving to a new country, there’s a significant chance that your system may encounter distress and pressure. When the system undergoes stress, it can be hard to feel safe with all the threats, panic, and negative thoughts that are trying to protect you. Without safety, it becomes very hard to connect; without connection, you can forget about the feeling of belonging. Moving towards safety is vital. Through breathing, mindfulness, and relaxation, you can help find more moments to help regulate your nervous system. I believe that, however hard and painful this period can be, it can also be a time of transformational personal growth. Imagine, for a moment, a caterpillar entering the dark, gooey cocoon. This metamorphosis enables the process of true transformation in the butterfly as it spreads its wings (Thriving). The gooey, dark mess can be, for many of us, the experience of transitioning. If you allow it to happen and allow the emotions, you can also experience profound growth and transformation. The more you struggle, the worse it can be. Allow it, let go, change what you can, accept what you cannot, surrender and seek support. There are many ways and strategies to work on your mental health. Going through your issues alone can be extremely hard. Reaching out for professional help by finding a therapist can feel like a sign of weakness, but if anything, it is a sign of strength, as it takes great courage to reach out for help.

Q: What practical tools can internationals use to overcome mental health challenges?

There are key tools that can be profoundly helpful in working through your mental health challenges. The skill of noticing is handy. Noticing for a moment what it feels like if you say “I am anxious”, now try this: “I am noticing having the thought that I am anxious”. When you cultivate this skill, you are more able to experience a distance from your difficult thoughts and emotions. Working on how you relate to what your mind tells you. Open up to your feelings through practising, allowing your emotions to be present, or sharing your feelings with a support person. Writing down who and what is important to you and then taking small actions towards bringing that into your life. Practising mindfulness by using your senses or your breath helps raise your awareness and experience more joy in the small moments. Practising to take a perspective through empathy and understanding of others. Cultivating compassion to the different parts of your mind and others, this could look like holding yourself with one hand on your stomach and one on your chest whilst breathing, it could also be cultivated by saying something kind to yourself, like “I know it’s hard and I am here for you”.

Q: Who are your most frequent clients?

Over the last few years, I have worked with over a hundred internationals from more than 50 different countries through either individual therapy or couples therapy, where the couple comes from the same cultural background or from two different cultures. Some of the most common issues people come to therapy with are panic attacks, social anxiety, depression, trauma, grief of a loved one or past life, stress, relationship issues, intimacy issues, infidelity, and trust challenges.

Q: What do you, as an international in Denmark, do for your mental health and well-being?

I do my best to do the following 10 strategies to help maintain my mental health and well-being whilst facing the many international challenges I’ve faced in living abroad. I take my self-care very seriously. I do physical training (walking or running in nature, gym training), I eat healthy foods, making sure I get enough nutrition and vitamins daily, prioritising sleep (which is a bit hard with two small kids) and do different grounding mindfulness practices. I try to speak Danish and be a part of the Danish culture. I write a daily journal (1-3 pages) as a way to get my thoughts out of my head. I lean on support from friends, family and my wife. I practice being softer and kinder towards myself and others, especially when it is hard. I reach out for professional help by seeing a therapist when I notice myself struggling for a long period with my own mental health.

I hope that if you got this far, that you may have begun to see that there are many ways and strategies to work on your mental health. Going through your issues alone can be extremely hard. Reaching out for professional help through finding a therapist can feel to be a sign of weakness, but if anything it is a sign of strength, as it can take great courage to reach out for help. If you are struggling, and wanting to go from surviving towards thriving in Denmark, I invite you to ask for therapeutic help and support, your loved ones and future self will be thankful.